Life is like a cup of coffee. Dark, Hot, and Steamy.

 I was just depressed today. I was missing my cousin Melissa. She passed on in June and I really havent been able to start the letting go phase. I havent been the same, even to the point where I notice. I dont really feel ready to talk about it much, not even with Jon, my boyfriend. He makes me feel childish and weak when I do try to talk to him about it. He dosent mean to though, and I know that. He tries to get me to talk to him, and stop listening to music that reminds me of her. But I dont want to stop listening, cause I feel closer to her somehow. Yes it makes me cry, cause I miss her and I always will. My tears arnt always sad, but when thry are I dont want to be bothered. I just dont know how to tell him that without hurting his feelings or sounding like a bitch. See, now Melissa would have the answer to that question. She always seemed to know what to say or what to do. She would call me Baby Girl, cause she said that I was the daughter she never had. We were so close, and I loved her so much. She would stay up all night with me and play video games, or watch horror movies drinking coffee. She became a second mother to me, and now that shes gone, Im still trying to find my footing. It was a very sudden death, I was unprepared. It through me through a brick wall, and Im just now starting to come around. I still have to somehow find a way to get my feet back under me and straighten out my vision. I will, dont worry, until then though, its going to be rough road and people need to understand. Its hard to lose someone, specially if that person was like a parent. I just wish I could explain it to them though. That I need some space on this subject.

 

Anyway, I need to go. Thanks for letting me vent to you guys. It helps to be able to. Even IF noone ever reads this thing, its nice to pretend you do.

Seems only fitting that the smallest of movements can roll one's self so profoundly.

Make two humans into one.

One dripping, panting thing begging for release and imprisonment in the same notion.

And how the two survive the throbbing ordeal counting the seconds,

until they can walk through the glorious hell once again.

 

 

Just hangin out at the mock sister-in-law's place. Her two little boys are so cute.lol They keep trying to find ways to not do thier homework. Catching flies, showing me books, and the like. Lord help me, cause when I have children, Id never tell them no.lol

Still on the hunt for a job. But on a high note, Iv finally squashed the attempts of my ex. He kept trying to pursuade me to leave my Jon, and come crawling back to him. But of course Im smarter than that, and I had to break his heart of stone.

On a lighter note, Im supposed to be going fishing tomorrow with the big brother and the spouse. So that should be interesting.lol

Hey there.lol Been amazingly busy as of late. i have found myself a new and improved spouse named Jonathan. Hes crazy but that is of course why I adore him. Lost my crap-ass job at the coffee shop, so Im currently seeking employment as well as an apartment. But all things considered, things are fantastic. Iv made a vow to keep up with this blog, so you might be seeing alot more of me as well as my poetry.lol So until next time.